My Story - Jeff & Kylie

My good mate Jeff, and his wife Kylie, share their story about why they come to church:

Real Men Life is on this week!

Real Men Life the 2008 men's conference for C3 Oxford Falls is on this Friday night and Saturday. Conferences like this are part of the reason mega-churches are so popular and successful. I'm part of the Real Men team, so I'd like to encourage anyone who can make it to go along. Friday night is free, and Saturday is only $85 if you register before Friday (otherwise $95) - writing material, drinks and food are included.

This is what the leader of Real Men, Greg French, has to say about the Life conference:

The irony of our time is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, bigger cities and less friends, wider roads but narrower viewpoints. We have larger houses and smaller families, more money but less time, more knowledge but less judgement, more experts yet more problems.

We’ve learned how to make a living but not a life, added years to life not life to years, been to the moon and back but not crossed the street to meet a neighbour.

We’ve conquered outer space but not inner space, have more degrees but less sense, talked too much and listened too little, loved seldom and hated too often. We’ve cleaned the air but polluted the soul, written more but learnt less, planned more but accomplished less, learned to rush but not to wait. We laugh little, drive fast, stay up late, get tired, read little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

These are the days of fast foods and poor digestion, big men with small characters, steep profits and shallow relationships, disposable nappies and throwaway morality.

That can be the sum total of a man’s life. The colour and meaning of LIFE can be lost because we lose our perspective about what really matters. ‘Doing LIFE well’ doesn’t just happen. REALMEN ’08 conference ‘LIFE’ will help men adjust their worlds so as to enjoy the journey and do LIFE well. Look forward to seeing you there. It will be LIFE transforming!

Greg French

Here is the story of how one man's life has been transformed, through marriage, divorce and then eventually re-marrying his wife. The key? A relationship with Jesus Christ, and most importantly, with men he could learn from and relate to:

Why go to a mega-church?

I attend one of the larger churches in Sydney, Australia, and friends that attend smaller churches often wonder why I would find the mega-church experience satisfying. My simple answer is that is where I was saved (i.e. found God) and thus where I attend. However there is far more to the mega-church experience than most people assume. For one thing there is a plethora of ministries within it that can engage people in a more specialised way than a smaller church could afford to. For example offering courses to help people with drug addictions, problems with sexual sin or marriage breakdowns.

The New York Times recently published an article discussing how a recent survey found that Americans are changing faiths/denominations at an increasing rate. Whilst the overall article is interesting, this quote reinforces my point:

“The trend is toward more personal religion, and evangelicals offer that,” said Mr. Prothero, chairman of the religion department at Boston University, who explained that evangelical churches tailor many of their activities for youth. “Those losing out are offering impersonal religion and those winning are offering a smaller scale: mega-churches succeed not because they are mega but because they have smaller ministries inside.”

At the same time the onus is on larger churches to not lazily plan mega-events (which are relatively easy to centrally control) but to empower and support smaller ministries, whilst ensuring that standards and culture meet those of the larger church. I'm proud to say that I think the guys running my church have got this nailed, but it's a dynamic equilibrium, and as such requires constant monitoring to ensure it is done right whilst allowing people breathing space to get things wrong and be individually creative.

Big Church = Big School

There is a classic argument about whether big churches are missing some intrinsic quality of a 'real' church. Proponents of smaller churches point out that they are more intimate, less focused on finances and more community oriented. Big church supporters point out that their better quality worship music can increase intimacy with God, that smaller churches are often unable to help others because they are cash-poor and that a bigger church has more people involved in every section of the community, from young to old, rich to poor.

It's an old argument, and one that has little scriptural basis for a decision either way. Jesus did not specify a church size, but he did deal with different size groups in different ways, from the crowds that followed him, to his close followers, his group of disciples and then individuals like Peter or Mary. The book of Acts talks about the different size churches, and historians tell us that some of them were quite large (in the thousands).

My take on this (currently) is that the big vs small church debate is much like the big vs small school debate. By this I don't mean that big schools are just like big churches, but rather the comparison of the relative merits of size for schools and churches is similarly loaded.

Some people want their kids at a small school, other like the resources available in a larger school. Some think a small school will encourage more mingling of kids, others think a larger school will help their kids find a niche for them. The debate then passes onto class sizes, styles of classroom, and so on ad infinitum ...

But let's be sensible for a moment, most of these issues fall into the "it depends" bucket. When is a school big? Well it depends upon the seize of the local community, the range of years the school covers, and what other local schools are like. When is big bad? Well it depends upon what you consider the best thing for your children at their current stage of life. Etcetera.

I think most people are most affected in this area by their own good/bad experiences, certainly I am. I went to a very large boarding school and hated it, I went to a smaller day school and loved it, when younger I went to a very small day school and found it boring ... so guess where I fall when it comes to debates about big vs small, and boarding vs day? However, my two youngest brothers loved boarding school - so I figure they will have a different point of view than me.

People seem to back big, or small, churches because of the same cognitive bias. Their experiences inform them of which they would prefer, and that becomes their default 'ideal' size. Some people take this to an extreme and formulate complicated theological explanations for why their preference is the 'right' one. Piffle.

Personally I think you've got to find a church you're willing to commit to, one where there is some accountability (both ways). That means taking into account the needs of all your family. It also means being willing to forgive when someone offends you, or being able to bend when someone imposes on you, and it certainly means allowing yourself to feel underwhelmed with church from time to time. Big or small, all churches are likely to confront you with similar issues - unless the church is so small that it's basically just your family (in which case it will have its own set of flaws). My advice? Choose your church like you would your kids' schools, by weighing the pros and cons, and then being willing to stick with that decision for the good of you all.